A Mother’s Lessons

I had the pleasure of being interviewed by the “Good Things Going Around” blog in early March. Lisa’s questions got me thinking about some really interesting topics – like what things I’d like to see parents teach their kids, the greatest gift of being a parent, lessons my kids have taught me, and a great piece of advice I received.

Below is an excerpt from the interview – a topic I think is super important – my wish list for what I’d like to see parents teach their children about kids who have disabilities.

For the rest of the interview, go HERE. :)

Lisa: What are some things you would like to see parents teach their children about kids who have disabilities?

Amy: There are three things that, in my ideal world, parents would teach their kids about disability.

1. In some ways we are different, but in so many ways we are the same.

Look for the similarities rather than the differences. Maybe your kids and mine both love ice cream, or maybe both have curly hair. Everyone has things that are different about them – but we also have a lot that is the same. Finding sameness breaks down the barrier disability sometimes presents.

There is a fantastic episode of Daniel Tiger in which Prince Wednesday’s cousin Chrissie (who has a disability) comes to visit, and the topic of how to approach kids with disabilities is beautifully presented. The little jingle sings, “In some ways we are different, but in so many ways, we are the same” (Episode 133: Daniel’s New Friend/Same and Different). I’d love every parent to watch this episode with their kids.

2. Approach kids with disabilities & say hello.

When we go into a store or a restaurant, we draw a lot of attention. We come in with a determined, curly haired charmer whose leg braces are covered in butterflies and who is usually gleefully chasing her little brother around while using bright blue arm crutches. Adults react in one of two ways – they either smile at us and comment on how cute our kids are, or they look away / see their kids staring and shush them.

PLEASE please (please) do NOT shush your kids. Please don’t look away. Please DO smile and say hello. Please DO encourage your kids to come up and say hi and talk to my children. It is totally OK if they ask questions. We know they won’t have the perfect words to ask what they want to know, and that’s OK. It really is.

By letting kids be curious and ask questions it teaches them that it’s OK to approach people with a disability. It opens a dialog and creates a conversation. When a parent shushes a child and encourages them to look away – that parent is inadvertently teaching their children that disability is something that is wrong, and that should be separate from the rest of the world. Kids with disabilities want to be included. We, as parents, need to model this inclusion and openness and kindness to all people, including those who have a disability.

I know it’s scary to let you child open up their mouth and not be able to control what comes out … but trust me… it’s so much better than the alternative.

3. Get creative and figure out ways to include children with disabilities in play.

Kids with a disability face a lot of barriers. For my daughter, who was born with Spina Bifida, it can be hard to figure out how to play with other kids because (1) she comes with equipment which is a physical barrier, and (2) she can’t run or climb as fast as others.

Usually, figuring out how to be included in play is left squarely on the shoulders of the child who has the disability (the one who is already trying to surpass so many additional obstacles vs. a typically developing child). This often results in the child playing by themselves, and missing out on the important lessons learned during free play and interaction with other kids.

I would love it if parents & teachers would work with all kids to help them figure out new and different ways of playing that are more inclusive. ALL kids (not just the ones with a disability) will benefit from learning these skills – it teaches kids to think critically, to be creative, and to build a resilient spirited approach to life. As with most things, when be figure out how to be inclusive, it benefits EVERYONE.


Other questions answered in the interview:

  • What has been one or some of the greatest gifts of being a parent for you?
  • What is a life lesson you have learned from your children?
  • What is a piece of advice you received that has impacted your life?

You can go here to read the rest of the interview.

What do you wish parents would teach their children about disability?

 

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